It’s November 9th 2016, and huge underdog 3rd party candidate Ronald McDonald has won the US presidency by a landslide. Thanking his ‘ever-growing army of canvassers on the streets at night’, he strolls into the White House and immediately sets about construction of golden arches over it.

Despite not being in the Presidential race until the last fortnight, President McDonald attributes his astonishing rise to power to his family-friendly visibility, his comparable trustworthiness, and his pledge to give all serving military personnel one free coffee and breakfast egg McMuffin a month. Some mention the fact that he shares the first name with a former Republican Presidential favourite, and his last name with one of his vanquished competitors, as being another psychological boost, as voters seem to like familiarity.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief at having someone credible in the White (and Yellow) house, the American public go back to sleep, but not before controversy stirs, when McDonald does not wear a suit to his inauguration ceremony; instead choosing to don his usual clown outfit. Some wags in the media suggest this means he will fit right in.

His first few months certainly prove eventful, whether it’s naming the Hamburglar as his Attorney General, or basing his foreign policy of ‘reconstruction’ on three new restaurants in Aleppo. Despite these hiccups, his approval ratings soar at the introduction of a new ‘Red, White & Blue’ burger, and free miniature American flags with every Happy Meal.

Some scoff at this state of affairs, but others realise how much of a bullet they dodged, when they put their trust in the clown with the best hair.


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