Why I don’t trust Atheists

Posted: December 2, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

More zealous than fundamentalists for one.

‘Get those stupid Creationists, they think imaginary friends created the world. HELLO! Have these cretins never heard of Darwin? DUH! I can back up anything I believe because people I’ve never met have researched it thoroughly and produced ground-breaking papers I’ve never read based on empirical evidence that I wouldn’t have the first clue how to gather myself. These religious idiots are just looking for an easy way out. All I need is my family, my job and my self-importance to give my life meaning.’

Atheist at a dinner party:

‘Hey how’s it going? John. Pleased to meet you.’

‘Ah, like the Saint. I’m Jeremy.’ (offers hand)

‘The Saint? I don’t look like Roger Moore do I?’

‘No, no sorry, I meant…I’m a Christian you see, just a little Christian thing.’

‘Wait, I thought you were Jeremy.’

‘No I am Jeremy. My name is Jeremy, and I’m a Christian.’

‘You’re…(starts hissing and holding hands in front of face)…noooo! Don’t try and convert me!

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘I said get away from me you paedophile! Your ignorance repulses me, and I don’t think I can eat now.’

(John storms off after spitting at Jeremy’s feet)

Atheist, sneaking onto platform at Meeting of Senior Rabbis:

‘You people need to ask yourselves why you’re persecuted! The doctrine of ignorance fans the flames of hate!’

Atheist in a lift with a colleague:

‘Only twenty four more floors to go!’

‘Ha, yeah don’t you just hate the building layout?’

‘Yeah, but do you know what I hate more? Creationists. They are why there’s so much hate in the world right now. Dear God they are dumb. It’s lucky there’s enough of us informed people or the world would go to Hell! I got stuck talking to one the other day and I was like: Do you believe fairy stories are true too? Oh and don’t get me started on dinosaurs…’

(Colleague pushes the ‘door open’ button frantically)

 

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